Once or twice a year something happens in my life and my mood turns pensive or what some might call melancholy. Webster says that means sad thoughtfulness. For me it's that but it's also more. I have sad thoughts about what could have been but I also think good thoughts of what can be. The good ones are usually about change. Thoughts like it's time to stop and smell the roses. And to look ahead. One could say I'm thinking redemption. A change for the better. Freedom from the the past. Yes, deliverance.
I don't know why life has to be so hard at times. I've speculated in this blog that it's part of an overall higher power's plan. And I believe that to be the case. But that doesn't make living your life any easier. The older I get the more I look back. Sometimes those are painful thoughts and I wish things could have been different. But I'm a realist and I know I can't dwell on those things. I have to deal with the present.
That pensive mood hit me today when the Professor called me from his new home in California. He was literally in his living room. That's after a 5700 mile journey from Boston to Redlands. It wasn't just any journey though. No, it was much more than that. Read his account of that trip for yourself at The Sacred Journey. I suggest starting from day one.
I was literally on the treadmill when he called. It was my first workout in 10 days. Whatever has been kicking my ass is cutting me some slack now--probably due to the antibiotics. I'm not so well that I was running but I was doing some serious walking when I saw his name light up on the Crackberry. I knew instantly what it meant. He was home. Something grabbed my heart at that moment.
The thing is that I've been with him in spirit for the last 30 days as he made his journey. But it was more than that. I've been with him since January when his life took a hard turn down. I've been in that same dark hole myself so I know what it's like. The hole is deep and isn't easy to get out of. But that's what he did. He struggled mightily but he persevered. And he kicked the demon's ass. I'm so damn proud of him that I don't even know how to express it.
After his call I wiped the sweat off and went outside to sit in the shade of an oak tree. I put the Shuffle on Patty Griffin in his honor and listened yet again to Changes. I admit that I had a few tears well up in my eyes. And I'll tell you why my heart jumped when I saw his name on the phone. It's the same reason that I'm in my pensive mood now.
Redemption and deliverance.
Welcome home, bro.
July 2, 2007 in
Life |
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Forever alive, forever forward,
Stately, solemn, sad, withdrawn, baffled, mad, turbulent, feeble, dissatisfied,
Desperate, proud, fond, sick, accepted by men, rejected by men,
They go! they go! I know that they go, but I know not where they go;
But I know that they go toward the best—toward something great.
Walt Whitman, "Song of the Open Road"
For you, brother: toward the best, something great, for both of us. Allons!
Posted by: Aristaeus at Jul 2, 2007 10:41:28 PM
Thanks for the link, Lewis, it was an awesome read.
Posted by: Alecto at Jul 3, 2007 9:41:48 PM
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